Not quite sure what to make of this experience...

My Mom mails me care packages about once a month that include our mail from our PO Box, things I can't get here or order over the Internet, goodies for the boys, etc.  I've been waiting for a box for two weeks that included some gifts for Jack's birthday from my family, some clothes I ordered for Luc and the boys' Halloween costumes.   Saturday I got the dreaded "Zoll" notice which means my box was stuck in customs and I would have to go there, open the box in front of them and may or may not (depending on their mood) have to pay customs fees.  I have had incredibly bad experiences at the Zoll office and literally couldn't sleep Sunday night worrying about how this visit would go. 

We are not supposed to have to pay for gifts or anything worth up to $50 we've been told, so my Mom has learned only to put that on the boxes.  I went armed with the German words for "I don't know what is in the box.  It's a gift for my son for his birthday from his Grandparents."  The man asked me who Roger Stumpff from the return label was?  I said "my Dad."  He said that the amount on the box was not enough to cover what was inside.  I said "I have no idea, it's a gift."  A bit of a white lie since there were two pair of pants in there for Luc that'd I'd ordered and the Halloween costumes.  I was starting to sweat a little, since I didn't know if Mom had left the tags on stating how much I paid.  And in all honesty, if you added everything up it DID go over the $50, but not when you separated the gifts from what I had purchased....I'd never get this across to the man though.

So the moment of truth was upon me and he handed me a box cutter to slice open the box and hand back to him to inspect.  All I can say is thank goodness for my need for US gossip!  Mom sends me her old gossip magazines like People, US Weekly, OK, etc. and there were a few on top.  The man looked at me, smirked and said, "oh, I see, porn!"  I paused, let his heavily accented English sink in, and thought to myself, "did he just ask me if my Dad (from the return address label) was sending his very pregnant daughter American PORN?"  And more importantly, this is after I had told him it was a birthday gift for my son from his grandparents?"  He proceeded to go through the contents of the box, but because he felt the need to flip though all 9 magazines he missed the receipts proving how much everything actually cost.  After the shock of what he was looking for wore off on me, I had to try to suppress my laughter because this dirty old man held all the power as to how long I would be there (I've spent HOURS before) and how much I'd pay.  I don't know if he was embarrassed or what, but after checking each and every magazine  he kind of threw the box at me and waved me out the door.

Lessons learned:  "next box Mom, lace with a few Playboys."  The zoll officers can get their jollies, "confiscate" them, and I get out of there in record time with all my money.